And, Isnít That A Lesson For All Of Us?
By Big Mike
The federal Department of Aquatic Insecurity has a little-known
component called the Office of Boating Lessons Learned. Mr. Thaddeus
Q. Glockenspiel, director of the OBL, has kindly agreed to share
some of those lessons learned,
When you get back to the dock after a day on the water, always
count your fingers and toes. If the sum is less than it was when you
started out, proceed immediately to the emergency room.
Gasoline and diesel fuel are not interchangeable. Putting diesel
into a gasoline engine will help your marine mechanic fully fund his
retirement. Putting gasoline into a diesel engine will allow you to
take the Alice Kramden Signature Tour of the Moon.
It is wise to carry spare parts on your boat. If you carry enough
spare parts to deal with very possible emergency, your boat will
sink from the weight
No matter how many screwdrivers you have in your toolbox, the one
you need is one you donít have.
If someone goes overboard when your boat is traveling at high
speed, do not throw the person a line secured to the boat. Chances
are that the person wonít be able to grab it. If he or she does,
re-read Rule No. 1.
If you choose to navigate using road maps instead of nautical
charts, make sure you stick to the highways. Road maps pay scant
attention to things such as rocks, shallows, and yacht-club bars ó
all of which are vitally important to the boater.
Learn to use correct nautical terminology on your boat. Donít,
for example, call something a "thingamabob" when it is, in fact, a "whoozis."
This can led to confusion.
Smoking while refueling is extremely unwise. Fuel vapors can ruin
the taste of your cigarette.
When operating at night, use red lights in all areas of the boat
so that you preserve your night vision. Be careful, though, if you
raft up, since you may create an illegal red-light district.
Always keep in mind that your insurance agent works for the
insurance company, not you.
Always remember that a yacht broker works for the seller, not
Always keep in mind that the person who reviews luxury yachts
works for a secret cabal that wants to drive cash-strapped boaters
crazy with dreams of boats they canít afford Ė not you.